When you meet someone with healthy self-esteem, you can almost feel it—they carry themselves with ease, take feedback without crumbling, and pursue opportunities without needing constant reassurance.
But when self-esteem is low, the opposite happens. It’s not always obvious on the outside, but it quietly shapes how a person thinks, acts, and relates to the world. I’ve seen this time and again in my coaching work: smart, capable people held back not by lack of skill, but by the way they see themselves.
So, which most likely describes a person with low self-esteem? Here are some of the most common signs.
1. They Criticize Themselves Harshly
Low self-esteem sounds like an inner voice that never lets up. It points out every flaw, magnifies every mistake, and downplays every success.
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“I’ll never get this right.”
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“Anyone could have done what I did.”
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“I always mess things up.”
I’ve sat across from accomplished leaders who’ve built entire companies, yet still say things like this to themselves. It’s not the truth—it’s a distorted lens. But when repeated often enough, it feels real.
2. They Fear Failure and Rejection
People with low self-esteem often avoid risks, not because they lack talent, but because they dread what will happen if they fall short. They overthink, second-guess, and sometimes pass up opportunities they’re more than qualified for.
I once worked with a client who turned down a keynote invitation at a major conference. Not because she couldn’t deliver, but because she convinced herself others were more deserving. Months later, she regretted saying no—proof that fear, not ability, was running the show.
3. They Struggle to Accept Compliments
When you tell someone with low self-esteem, “Great job” or “You’re really talented,” they often brush it off. They’ll say things like, “Oh, it was nothing,” or credit luck instead of effort.
This isn’t humility—it’s disbelief. They can’t take in positive feedback because deep down, they don’t feel worthy of it.
4. They Try to Please Everyone
Another hallmark is people-pleasing. Saying “yes” when they want to say “no.” Taking on more than they should. Bending their opinions to keep the peace.
On the surface, it can look like kindness or teamwork. But underneath, it’s often fear: fear of rejection, fear of conflict, fear of not being enough. The problem is, when you live to please others, you lose touch with yourself.
5. They Constantly Compare Themselves to Others
Comparison is part of being human, but with low self-esteem it becomes toxic. Other people’s success doesn’t inspire—it feels threatening.
I’ve had clients look at colleagues’ promotions or peers’ social media posts and spiral into self-doubt. What they forget is that everyone’s journey is different. But when you already feel “less than,” comparison only widens the gap.
6. They Struggle with Boundaries
People with low self-esteem often let their boundaries slide. They put up with disrespect, overwork, or toxic dynamics because they don’t feel entitled to say no.
One client I coached finally told her boss she couldn’t keep taking on last-minute demands. She feared backlash—but instead, her boss respected her more. That’s the thing about boundaries: when you honor them, others often do too.
So, What Can You Do About It?
Low self-esteem isn’t a life sentence. I’ve seen people rebuild it piece by piece, often starting with small shifts:
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Talk to yourself differently. Replace harsh self-talk with the kind of encouragement you’d give a friend.
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Acknowledge small wins. Confidence grows by noticing progress, not waiting for perfection.
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Surround yourself with the right people. Seek out those who lift you up, not those who tear you down.
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Practice saying no. Boundaries are not selfish—they’re a form of self-respect.
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Challenge your story. When a negative thought comes up, ask: “Is this fact, or just fear talking?”
Final Thoughts
A person with low self-esteem isn’t weak or broken—they’re often carrying old stories that were never true to begin with. The good news? Those stories can be rewritten.
I’ve seen leaders go from doubting their every move to owning their voice, from saying “yes” out of fear to saying “yes” with confidence. Change is possible.
If some of these signs resonate with you, take it as an invitation to look inward—not with judgment, but with curiosity. Because self-esteem isn’t something you’re born with or without. It’s something you can grow, one choice, one boundary, one belief at a time.